The other day I was in a movie theater alone waiting for the feature to begin. As I tried to relax with some deep breathing the buzz of conversations was a little irritating, but it wasn’t until the woman next to me whipped out her cell phone to show photos of her nine-month-old son to her companion and commented loudly on how “well-hung” he was that my irritation boiled over into disgust.

As a society we feel compelled to stuff our tongues into every crevice of silence that we find.

Please – and I address this to myself first and foremost – please shut up.

The concept of a “golden silence” has officially been obliterated. There is noise everywhere. And, whether it’s the compulsory song and dance between friends or acquaintances, ubiquitous cell phone conversations, talking op-heads, inescapable mall music forcing moods upon one, or 500 round the clock TV channels (and nothing on), inevitably as the quantity increases, the quality thins.

Writers, pressured by weekly, daily or self-imposed deadlines demanding that they fill the page with words – any words! – produce columns with poorly researched opinions or vitriol that they never have to take responsibility for. Leaders make hasty decisions and shrug off mortal consequences. Discussions between friends inevitably turn to cattiness against those not present or to inanities to fend off dreaded silences.

Everyone behaves as if words are of no real consequence on the one hand yet goes about demanding apologies for them on the other.

In an electronic age, where comments never die, forethought should be in vogue, but, alas, ’tis not so. Crap and vitriol reign: see top blogs like Gawker, Perez Hilton and TMZ, what passes for intelligent discourse when people disagree with each other, or the conversations at my own dinner table.

I used to carry my iPod around as a way of shutting out the occasional crazies on the Muni or the San Francisco streets. But last year I started turning it off and tuning into Nature’s sounds instead. The iPod has sat in a drawer, largely unused, ever since.

Sometimes, though rare in the City, I even hit a pocket of silence. Suddenly, my ears perk up and I hold my breath trying to place that unfamiliar sound – or lack thereof. It’s something I like so much that I’m beginning to harbor secret dreams of moving to a quiet, Goonies-esque town in the Pacific Northwest.

One thing that I love about Basil now – but which used to drive me crazy when we first met – is his relaxed relationship with silence. He isn’t afraid to let it grow and settle companionably between us. What I initially took for disinterest on his part revealed itself instead to be careful listening, mulling over a response, and, if one wasn’t necessary, being confident enough to maintain his silence.

In a culture that demands that we be entertaining and opinionated extroverts with zero listening skills who launch into every lull in the conversation as another chance to amaze ourselves, that’s a rare quality. Emulating him and accepting that my friends and family will love me even if I don’t keep up the non-stop chatter, humor, or insights is liberating.

Today I asked him about his views on spirituality and silence. In his opinion, spirituality consists of insights that clear away the accrued crud of living, allow a glimpse of Reality, and expand one’s love, soul, and heart.

As for silence, when he made a promise to himself that he would share only good things about other people he was “amazed at how much it cut down on what I had to say, on the volume of my conversation.”

There’s a reason that spiritual sages talk less as they age and spend long periods in contemplative retreat. Silence is the soil in which the soul grows. That tradition of reflective silence and careful words is embedded in Islam and in traditional American culture, though we’re currently hooked on the spectacle of the tongue (the self).

The Prophet, peace and blessings upon him, said that the Muslim is one from whose tongue and hand other Muslims are safe. Mark Twain maintained, “It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.” And Greek philosopher Epictetus observed that we have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.

Smart men.

Silence can be scary. The stillness of the self is not easy to cultivate when we’re used to constant stimulation. I still break out into a sweat in the sudden silence of social situations and find myself wanting to fill the air with words – any words!

But I’m getting better at smiling, taking a sip of my drink, and enjoying the silence.

—

“Speech is like a medicine, a small dose of which cures but an excess of which kills.”

- Sayyidina ‘Ali bin Abi Talib

“Let him who believes in God and the Last Day either speak good or keep silent, and let him who believes in God and the Last Day be generous to his neighbor, and let him who believes in God and the Last Day be generous to his guest.”

- The Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings upon him (reported by Abu Hurayrah and recorded by Imam Bukhari and Muslim.)