I don’t expect anyone to believe straight off that Basil didn’t convert to Islam for me.

Granted, he may not have converted had he never met me. But though I was the one who opened the door, I didn’t force him through it. Both of us were very clear that he shouldn’t do a conversion of convenience & he only converted after careful study.

But once I do explain all that, I get tired still seeing the disbelief in their eyes because it doesn’t fit in with their preconceived notions. Sure, people have curiosity, questions or doubts about his journey to Islam or “authenticity” as a Muslim. But I expect them to make up their minds after they spend quality time with him, not before.

A beloved Uncle of mine said after breaking bread with us for the first time, Yes, we know about those boys who convert just to marry our girls. I knew he meant it for us but I didn’t say anything, firm in the belief that Basil’s actions would speak louder than any of my words. And, alhamdolillah, they did.

But you know, though he later apologized, I never quite felt the same way about Uncle after that. I love him with caution now because I know that even though he’s my blood, he didn’t have my back & he didn’t extend us the courtesy of an informed opinion. No, an hour of dinner & light conversation was all he needed before making his pronouncement to us & others.

And beyond one’s family, there are all the random Unclejis & Auntyjis of the world who think they know it all: desi girl marries white guy who converts automatically equals fake conversion. You know Dr. M’s daughter married a white American? They say he converted. *arched brow*

We had dinner with some old family friends recently whom Basil had never met. As soon as he walked in the door Uncleji started probing him about his Islamic knowledge. Now, in my family asking a guest personal questions is considered rude & it had me quietly simmering. But Basil was his lovely self, never minding, & answering questions openly.

Basil is affiliated with an Islamic organization right now. Once people hear that it gives him instant status. But what if he didn’t? Or what if he returns to his tech job? Will he become less of a Muslim then in their eyes? Will we always have to bring it up later to get their stamp of approval? He used to work for an Islamic institute. Yes, really.

As a born Muslim no one ever asks me if I read the Qur’an, fast, or pray. They don’t test my knowledge of fiqh as they do his. They don’t realize that he knows far more about Islam than me & often them. I could be a purely cultural Muslim & yet I would still have a credibility that no one will ever automatically grant him. That’s a sad reflection on the way we welcome people to our community.

So next time you meet a convert, give your religion some credit by assuming that they studied & then embraced Islam because it’s beautiful.

And then act beautifully toward them so as not to ruin the impression.